The Black Hole of Hate

Day 5,485, 05:20 • Published in Canada Canada • by Rylde


Ever walk into a court room for a custody case and have the judge ask you why you kept your daughter in your care?

Then reply because im the dad and dumbfound him and watch as he just kinda nods like ok good answer like Raphael from the original ninja turtles..

Thats when you know your already behind in society. I felt it first hand, a father was nothing in the eyes of the court.

I fought hard for my 50-50 of both my childs and won in both respects.

After our break up my ex has 2 children with my closest friend and cousin during Covid. Like he was my best friend. After 5 years together she gets instant knocked up within a month of seperation.

Im so angry and so bitter and so f*** you. My best friend with my love.

3 Years later

I'm not over this and my now 7 year old comes to tell me about her siblings and im not doing it right. She wishes to tell me about her other home life but i cant bear to hear it.

I had a dream that woke me up to write this. I have close friends and family but i didnt want to tell them as this is weird to me and obviously im not over her or this situation.

I had a dream and begged her back even though she had 2 kids with my best friend. I begged hard that we could be like we were before and we kissed like our lips were wet with the dew of a northern morning, then she said she had to go.

I've been dreaming of her off and on and last night was the first time I agreed with the dreamer.

I didnt feel that bad when i woke and knew it was time to move on. The pit in my stomach finally didnt hurt that much. Took 3 damn years.

Im no saint in this story I cheated and didnt get caught, i worked and drank to much at times and ignored what i had.

Ive just felt so empty and depressed at times over this time and the only thing that kept me sane was my 2 girls.

I hope the next time lil Anna tells me about her lil siblings i dont do it wrong.

This game, this game, its always been nothing but an outlet for all of us. Im not the Villain I try to be or a racist. But i'll play the role to get under your skin.

Thankfully this is the ass end of it all and just finally starting to come to terms with losing a best friend and a long term partner. Wish it had gone down diffrently and i think its the best friend part that hurts the most which didnt allow the end of the relationship aspect of this to heal properly.